It really doesn't feel like the season this year. Even the candle light service at church felt off. Still feel the reason for the season. Still feel all lovey and all, but something is still missing. Maybe it's realizing that my 9 yr. old is losing the belief in Santa or that my sister is in the hospital hopefully not losing her baby. Eitehr way this season just doesn't seem quite right. The kids are healthy and happy, everyone got at least something they asked for. Maybe it's the upcoming nuptuals for J's aunt.. she's finally remarrying after 10 yrs. of being a widow... She won't have our last name anymore... Maybe it the fact that Ali is in Germany and no matter what I do there is nothing that I can do to help her or fix the problem. Maybe it's the fact that our friends J and C are fighting (again) and it makes for a hard time on us since they are our only real friends that both of us get along with.
Last night after work (at the church service) I heard "Where are you Christmas" on the radio... it made me think of my kids especially Ash... she's growing up so fast, she's not sure where she is and want to be a little kid and still run with the big kids... it made me think about me... and how this season just doesn't feel like the others... maybe it's because I'm back in church and remember what it's really all about... maybe it's because of my sister and worrying about her... maybe it's the extended family and all the BS they bring, although I'm very thankful that I only see them twice a year... Or maybe it's me... maybe I've changed.
