What the hell am i doing

Sitting in a church I don't like on Christmas eve to make my mom happy.  Thinking about a question that my daughter's girlfriend asked me the other day.  How do I handle being married to an atheist?  My answer was the heart wants what the heart wants, and my faith is enough for us both.

But.....

What is worse.... a heretic, an atheist,  or a hypocrite?
The heritic walks the walk and talks the talk and doesn't believe any of it.
The atheist doesn't believe in anything and let's you know it, constantly.  Even when you tell them you don't care about their opinion.
The hypocrite believes and may even walk the walk and talk the talk, but they always judge and make sure others feel like shit for not believing enough.

So who is more wrong?  Not in the eye of god, in your eyes. Who is worse? 

Why, why, why, why

Way to go and plan the kids for something you did. I get you don't remember doing it. That doesn't check that you did it.  And saying the kids are home and did it, is a copout.  Thanks for reminding me why I ready don't want to talk to you anymore. 

I even told you what the issue was last night and what did you do? Denied that you do anything
I told you I was going to point out that you are condescending to me, every time you were.   What did you do? You did it in front of the kids, so rather that take the bait of the fight you are starting, I just kept my mouth shut.

I know a woman who married a real creeper of a guy. Lots of people like him, but he's creepy, and she knows it.  When asked why she is with him her reply is "I took one for the team".   It's kinda how I'm feeling.  Every day. Every time he acts more and more like the man he claims to hate.

I'm done

Have I ever told you I don't like holidays?

Actually I hate them. 
Hate cleaning to have people you don't like come visit and make snid comments.
Hate cooking just to have family, ya know the ones that are supposed to love you, criticize your food.
Hate the way I get treated if I do something everyone else is doing, because how dare I.
Hate the way everything I say is wrong. How people that have known me my whole adult life act like I'm being difficult or weird when I try and be myself.
I just want everyone to go away.
You want to know what I'm thankful for... I'm thankful that I can go home and be alone and be myself every once in a while.

4am

Four am is too fucking early.  I know this because my body hates it but is now so used to it that it is waking me up before the damn alarm. 

Home cookin

The other night I made stuffed pepper soup.   Yum!  But why the he'll does the pasta always soak up all the broth???

3 green peppers, 1 onion, 4 garlic cloves all chopped
A pound ish if hot Italian sausage
Orzo, about a cup
Quart of chicken broth
LG can of crushed tomatoes

Really that doesn't should like it would soak it all up!!

At least I have a serving left for me. ☺

p@1n !n th3 a $$

Can someone please explain to me why my pain is never real???

What the f@#$=% is that all About!  If I say I'm in pain it's because I am. It's not because your music sucks (And yes it does) it really is ear splittingly loud.  Seriously I didn't tell you that when I couldn't even walk on my knee that your foot pain, which started while sitting, was just in your head. Nope sure didn't. But you were vocal enough to say that it was much worse than mine.  Right  - your self diagnosed gout is much worse than my complete tear I. The meniscus. 

I sit here crying in pain while you laugh saying I'm faking it.

what's next?

Been a scout leader for 12 years.  Seen more changes than I care to in the organization.  Gained and lost more girls then I'd care to admit.  Lost a few good leaders too, they will be missed.

Been a scout leader for 3 years.  Seen a few changes in the organization that needs to changes a little more for my tastes. Lost more boys than I'd like to admit.  Lost a few good leaders too since they can't accept all the changes, although I think its for the best that if you can't change.

Been a mom for 16+ years.  Seen a lot of ups and downs.  For the most part its been fun, good kids, no major events that we couldn't surmount. Now to survive the next 16 years. :)

Been married 16+ years.  Dated him for 3 years prior to that.  Almost half my life with the man.  He still surprises me. Don't tell him, I think some times he changes just to keep me on my toes.