What happened to Christmas this year?

It really doesn't feel like the season this year. Even the candle light service at church felt off. Still feel the reason for the season. Still feel all lovey and all, but something is still missing. Maybe it's realizing that my 9 yr. old is losing the belief in Santa or that my sister is in the hospital hopefully not losing her baby. Eitehr way this season just doesn't seem quite right. The kids are healthy and happy, everyone got at least something they asked for. Maybe it's the upcoming nuptuals for J's aunt.. she's finally remarrying after 10 yrs. of being a widow... She won't have our last name anymore... Maybe it the fact that Ali is in Germany and no matter what I do there is nothing that I can do to help her or fix the problem. Maybe it's the fact that our friends J and C are fighting (again) and it makes for a hard time on us since they are our only real friends that both of us get along with.

Last night after work (at the church service) I heard "Where are you Christmas" on the radio... it made me think of my kids especially Ash... she's growing up so fast, she's not sure where she is and want to be a little kid and still run with the big kids... it made me think about me... and how this season just doesn't feel like the others... maybe it's because I'm back in church and remember what it's really all about... maybe it's because of my sister and worrying about her... maybe it's the extended family and all the BS they bring, although I'm very thankful that I only see them twice a year... Or maybe it's me... maybe I've changed.

Preclampsia sucks

high BP
Protien
Sugar

Yuck!!

Get well soon sis

Snow

Falling little specks of white
Dancing through the sky
Covering everything in sight

web programing....

Ugh!
I'm currently updating the website for the family (mainly me) that I started about 10 years ago. I can't believe that I've had the site that long... or that it was that out of date. Anyway when I have it looking good I'll link it to here.

I need coffee

I've gone for the last few weeks will NO coffee. Let me just say that waking up SUCKS!!

I'm addicted.

Are you happy I said it?

I'm addicted to coffee in the mornings. There now maybe I'll get up and make some.

Maybe.

Ya I think I'll go and make some.

alone sucks

I hate being alone. I know I said that I would love to have the house to myself for a weekend, just get away from everyone. Well I was wrong, it sucks!

The only thing to do around here is house work. There is NOTHING on cable, the computer games are getting BORING, and I have nothing that I want to read around here.

How the hell do people live by themselves?!? I've never done it myself. Always had a roommate or dorm mate or house mate. Never had a place ALL to my self for very long anyway.

Wait I remember having a dorm room to myself for a semester... that was the time I went to classes and work and the only time I ate was when my friends came and dragged me to the caf. I feel like that now, too bad the friends aren't around to drag me somewhere. They don't even know I'm home.

Maybe I should call someone.... Oh wait I did. Ya I called Nick and "yelled" at him for not inviting me to the party at his place. All the rest of the family that's in town is there. Probably a few other people I know too. Would have been fun... maybe... if it wasn't just poker... well even that's fun... Damn now I'm getting depressed.

J man get home. I hate being alone! Ok there I said it. Are you happy? I miss you guys.

Why is it getting so hard?

I hate being bored.
It makes me depressed.

I currently have nothing I want to do.
I have things I should do but noone is around to tell me to do them.

It's hard to concentrate.
It's hard to sleep.
It's hard to do a lot of things,

but still they seem to get done.

I wonder what it all means?

school daze

pencils, books, papers

rulers, caculators

lunch boxes and backpacks

uniforms, buses

rules and regulations

how do we keep it all together?

And what do we do while the kids are there?

Another day another dollar

Back to work. One board done. Mailings done. Class schedule... not done. Will it ever get done? Will I ever truly be ready for this coming year?

And now to figure out what I'm teaching...

Alcohol and hot tubs don't mix either

Especially when the owner of the hot tub wasn't invited to join the fun!

It's 3am do you know where your spouse is?

Alcohol and pools don't mix

Don't get me wrong I like to swim and I have been known to drink on occation. But really with my family these two things DON'T mix. Last year we scratched up my glasses and broke a digital camera thanks to our being so funny drunk at the pool. This year is looking to be no diffent.

We are having a great time. Chicken fits, swimming races, pushing each other in the pool... and that's just the adults.

Then they grab the chair that BIL's fiance is in and throw it and her into the pool. She comes up, chair goes down. Classic family moment. I really do love it.

Then there's the let's push big brother in the pool... beer cup and all... right into the pool... they really will have to shock the pool now!

why am I awake?

So we are laying in bed... ok it's a couch bed on vacation but still it's a bed.
We are watching the Olympics and what does the J man do?



Wait for it...



He falls asleep. AGAIN.


I tell ya, I fall asleep early on the first night and he's done it a few times now. You'd think hanging out on the beach all day was hard work or something.

Maybe it is.

I can't stand sitting there that long.

Too many jellies.

So why am I still up? Why can't I sleep? Maybe I should go and do some laundry...

Life on the beach

Sand everywhere. In your hair, under your nails. Why do people love this place?

Sun shining, breeze blowing, waves just right to run in.

Relaxing, family, fun.

Let me think... eye candy (both male and female, thank you!)

Sunsets, sunrises (watched on the same day)

Fishes trying to nibble at your toes (is that a good thing?)

Thoughts today

When you don't know what you want but you get it anway is that a good thing?

Is it really so bad to be a bitch? or for that matter to be like your parents?

Why is it that when we are depressed it doesn't matter what we do to get out of the depression. We stay there until our body and mind decide for themselves to come out of it.

When friends point out that you are doing something and you can see it... is it a fault of yours for not being able to see or theirs for not explaining better?

Why do we try and keep up with the Joneses? Who are the Joneses?

Who are you? Who am I?

I'm still working on it here. More thoughts later.